Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
