Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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