When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Randomize
