I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
