you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
