you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
