the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
