Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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