Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
