hotel room ftw
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
