That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
