8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
These tits shall not be calmed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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