My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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