Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
