I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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