I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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