thus making me awesome and them whores
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
did i walk over a car last night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
