I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
