I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
