remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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