Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
