Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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