Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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