I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
