It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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