my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
