It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
