i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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