last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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