I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
