I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
