The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
