My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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