you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
