I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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