I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
