well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
