god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
