i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i drank out of a bidet.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
