I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
