is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
