I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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