ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
