ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
