That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
