The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you inspire me to be a worse person
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
