Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
