Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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