He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
