Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
