atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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