Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
