He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
false alarm, still single
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
