this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
