why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
