you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
