He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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