It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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