Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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