I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it's like heaven, but drunker
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
