I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
